Beyond Pseudo Connecting...

When saying or writing “Hello” alone is just simply NOT enough.

Here: 

I will give you a reasonable recipe for an introduction online or in person.

(And please note: if I must teach you anything about being enough for women to notice you back... it is not sexually alluring for me). Do not count on catching me if I have to teach you how.

Learn this, it is important!
 
Pay attention. If someone is attractive to you, notice them. Note what drew you to them and why.  Notice what might you hope for out of connecting with them. And then notice what they like. There are generally plenty of clues and information available especially in an online profile (or in person, based on how a woman dresses, or carries herself or moves in space, or her expressions flash across her face and what that communicates to you). And all you need to do is guess on something within reason. Identify what draws or interests you, and put that into words in your head (or on a note) so it is handy and you remember.

Introduce yourself with your name as well as revealing some aspect of yourself that is TRUE. Try to come up with something you think they would like or appreciate about you that you can bring forth in your introduction. Be revealing on some enticing level.  

If all you know about yourself are things all the women you have ever known do not like, do not feature those aspects. Take a class or see a counselor until you unveil other aspects of you many women would love so you can speak about them easily – not to brag, to feel confident and inform.

Inform your potential new date what you noticed about them that caught your interest, as well as your guess about something they might enjoy doing or sharing with you, (based on what you noticed about them, and can imagine doing with them) Best to keep it nonsexual in the beginning.  It can be dreamy, fun, and potentially romantic, but not explicitly sexual. Do not know the difference? Discover that too. Think of activities with all clothing remaining intact. At least as a lead-in to getting to know someone.

Include an invitation: Invite them into a conversation, about something you BOTH might like to talk about. Or invite her to do something with you. Maybe not right away, but give the woman something intriguing to potentially look forward to, something you will not need to be badgered to make happen at some later date (no empty offers: do not offer to take them ice skating if that is something no one could ever get you do). Make it specific. Make it something you think they would enjoy doing with you. And you would definitely enjoy. Spell out when and where, make it specific.

Try it.  Try this formula. It is much more productive than an empty, “Hello”.

If you have trouble with the invitation here is a pointer: Dream into all the times you thought to yourself you wish you could share some activity with a special significant other - or have shared that you miss doing with a partner.  Write all that down too, so you have it handy!

Sample Introduction:   “Hi!  My Name is Jeromy, I really like to swing dance. I noticed your graceful flowing movements. You look like you would be a fun dance partner. I would love to take you dancing. Would you like to go dancing with me?”

Does this sound so hard? Too hard to actually do?!?  Come on! Step up and be the MAN, the daring one who is willing to put himself out there first, (with content) not generic as in just a blank “Hello”.  Hello is not enough. It is too shy, and it does not begin a conversation. It is wimpy. Do better. 

Just "Hello" is not a good way to generate interest. It may break the ice, but it is flat, without the bubbles. 


(Not carrying your end of a decent conversation kinda announces to a woman, “I am so broken I cannot begin nor hold a conversation, but I hope you will carry that task for me now and always and still eventually want to fuck me.”) Do not make women take care of you that way. Meet them, entice them toward you with a clear invitation.

What is the worst that could happen?  Someone turns you down. If that happens, no real loss, pick yourself up by your boot straps and find another and try again. Over and over and over, until you get closer and closer to someone who has the patience for who you are and appreciates your attention to detail, and to them enough to respond in a good-natured way. 

You really have nothing but the rest of your romantic life to lose – by not doing enough. 

And not much to lose by trying, except your pride and that needs to be regenerated on a daily basis anyway.

Enough of this ‘too shy to step up’ business, it is not serving you nor anyone, and it makes you look like a BOT to not use someone's name nor anything personal to them when you contact them, or respond to them, or converse with them.

Don't text them twitter size bites about you. And do not speak text them without reading and editing out the typos. Too many of them will be grossly negligent and not impressive. Learn to speak and write again in conscious, deliberate, full sentences.

Be formal. Address them by their name, in the beginning and every time after.  Remind them, you are aware of who they are and that you are speaking in particular to them, not them as a generic anyone.  

And moving forward, ALWAYS respond to at least a few things they mentioned. This helps make it a conversation, versus two people talking at each other spewing unrelated details about life. Connecting with another creates meaning and value. Otherwise it is all too disposable.

There seems to be a lot of BOTS out there, or people ACTING a lot like BOTS.

Woman want to meet men who are interesting and unique, not predictable and wordless (nor too ridiculously lazy to please or enchant a woman).  Those kinda guys are a dime a dozen – bars are full of them... so is Tinder. Those men are so used to getting some kind of action, they no longer court a woman.  

And she is so afraid no one will ever know her or care, she gives in immediately because there might not be another chance at love, so it becomes about sex, empty unfulfilling, never lasting sex, that is about as hollow as only saying "hello."  The alluring intriguing question is not simply, "fuck?"

Be different.  Care and show it. Be attentive and show it. It will put you a cut above. A huge cut above.

The odd thing is, I suspect men are missing is feeling love. And they need to discover it does not come from getting laid. It comes from building a loving relationship that fulfills the heart. Lead with care not your genital's desire.

Let me know how it goes.

If I my counsel about this, toasted any or all your interest in me by spelling this basic aspect out. That's OK. Go try it on someone else, better suited to you.

I am a stickler. My tolerance for pseudo connecting is thin.