Missing Kissing

I love to kiss as much as I love to dance.

The great thing about dancing is I can do it when ever I want and it rarely leads to sex.

You want kissing to be good?  Make it real and don't exploit a partner.

I am a human that enjoys connection on all levels – not just sexually.

How turned on I get is directly connected to how easy I am with you, and how well I trust your ability to connect with me on many levels, along with knowing I can trust you to be honest and sincere with me.

Just so you know, jumping into kissing is not the first thing I am inclined to do upon first meeting, nor is kissing something I aim to do as a check-in to see if I want to tangle my heart strings with another.

Kissing is something I am inclined to desire, after my heart is engaged and trust is present.  The initial urge to kiss may surge many times before I actually kiss someone.  For me, sexual contact needs to be a mutual desire.  It is an intimate expression of love that is reserved for someone I am exploring romantic love with, it is not duplicated in short periods of time with many.

I enjoy loving contact a lot more when my heart is involved.  Going through the motions before I know I can count on someone to be real and honest and forthcoming with me, leads to self hatred – (for following desperate carnal urges before trust is valid).  The deeper need of the moment for me might be tending to my tender heart instead of making a sexy time.

Taking casual connections deeper by kissing sooner than would be easy or natural makes for an emotionally bumpy heart ride for me – one I would rather avoid.

In most cases, kissing well requires a good patient, kind kisser.  Someone conscious and attentive to the moment. (Not someone lodged deep in their imagination about how "hot" a future moment will be – if they can just get their tongue down my throat!).

I love to kiss good kissers.  Are you one?  Will you be a good kisser for me?  I am willing to find out – but not on a first date.  I do not want to have to prove to you I am a good kisser for you to want to meet me.  I might not be a good kisser for you.  I am a connoisseur. I do not usually like to advertise that, it can be off putting to know I value good connections, versus sloppy mediocre ones.  I am a warm-hearted woman, yet I am also very particular and patient.

For a kiss with you to be good for me, I would want to feel love for you, a lot of interest in who you are and what you are about in this life, and I would want to know your behavior is kind towards me.  I would want to feel some sense that who I am appeals to you, (not just as anyone might appeal – if you knew they would let you fuck them).  I would want some kind of trust of your character and your sincerity and honesty that was built on experience – not simply by my imagination or psychic perception.  (I have been wrong on this with others.)  I would want some sense of who you are and who I am to you, before I felt inclined to show you how I kiss, how my lips express love.  Kissing is not the ticket in; it is a gift given.  It is a special shared language of love, that can deeply stir and escalate passion, or kill it in a second – if the moment and participation or attitude is not in harmony or balance.

Kissing (and nearly kissing) is a precious and lovely experience that remains elevated when I am not in a rush to explore it.

For me, innocence and lack of agenda make it delightful.  However if kissing is simply a step to get to an end – I might easily pass.

I do find it odd when guys try to find out if someone is a good kisser – via words on the internet. Kissing and good sexual contact does not happen in a vacuum.  No one is likely to find out if someone is 'good in bed' via email or a phone conversation.  I am only as good as my partner is at any of this – at the time and in the moment with each other.  How I have ever been with another is directly related to my being in love and trust with them.  Those moments and who I was with them is gone. Everything in front of me is new – yet to be explored and discovered.

Anyone can be either great or awful, depending on the situation.  Add love and it is sweet and profoundly special.  Add fear, pressure, reservations to the mix and you are going to get rejected or a watered down version of goodness.

If someone aims to kiss me the first time, before I am ready or feel inclined – and they catch me off guard – they are most likely to get the 'Hollywood' version, (me acting it out trying to avoid acknowledging an awkward moment) – a kiss will either be faked, or I might ham-it-up to discharge awkwardness, or they are going to get the side of my face – to deflect an attempt to kiss when I am not in agreement of sharing that intimacy.

Don't steal kisses and expect them to be good. Learn who someone is, find out what they like, if it matches with what you like, savor it.  Dance with it the possibility of good kisses – when the moment is good and right.  Tempt.  Find ways to be close enough to kiss without kissing.   Use your senses.  Show her it is not a demand, it is an option.  Give her many opportunities, not one passing never again to repeat opportunity!

Breathe near her.  Introduce your breath to her and take in her scents.  Does it appeal to you?  Do your scents appeal to her?  'Cause if it does not, no kissing will repair nor mask what is not appealing to senses.

All you need to do is pay attention.  Be attentive, be kind and be willing to let a kiss move your heart as much as you want it to move your partner's heart.  Be willing be vulnerable.  Be willing to let a tender moment reach you deep inside, (not just zing your genitals!).  Let a kiss awaken your heart and enliven your awareness.  Let a kiss be enough.  Let a kiss be enough and you will likely have many following that one.  Let it be mutual.  Let the desire to kiss be stirred in your partner, (not just in you) and both will enjoy it.

I like kisses to be authentic expressions of care and love.  It is an incredibly intimate experience, not a casual one for me.  Here is a way to gauge authenticity:  Can it easily start and stop at any moment?  If not, something is in the way of it being as good and deep as it can be.  What ever comes up in moments of interrupted loving, shows you, whether a partner is with you – or in their head with an agenda about where they think they want to go - especially if their upset shames or hijacks you.  If you can be up close and personal and at ease with another, and there is gentle kindness in your heart and deep appreciation, then that is a great place to start.  How able we are at any moment to meet in that sweet willing and open place has hundreds of variables that play into the mix.  Be patient, sincere and real: let your needs and desires be known, and leave time and space for the other to respond, to be ready or not ready in any moment.   Know loving is fluid and can change moment to moment depending on the presentation of what genuinely stirs desire, and what kills it.

Before kissing suddenly becomes a test of my willingness and skill, I want to know the person with whom I might fondle tongues.

Deal?

And if I said too much, or it does not match what makes kissing good and real for you...
Ooops too bad, guess we just saved ourselves a lot of displeasure awkwardly not aligning.

If you are willing to take it easy with me, I am willing to meet and get to know you, and discover how we are around each other.  And yes, if energies and who we are work well, you will learn in time if I am a good kisser for you.  I am really OK with being either.